A CELEBRATION OF LOVE

The Marriage Death – A Poem in Five Parts for Mary Louise

February 1984

Part 1. Now

The marriage was dying,

There was nothing I could do,

You knew it and so did I,

I tried, I tried everything I could, I tried,

But it made no difference; you decided the marriage was dying.

We were parting, you and I,

Why heaven only knows,

Our love great once upon a time,

But something happened,

What, heaven only knows.

You kept holding on,

Now that I realize,

To a distant hope,

That someday I might become,

More than all that I could be.

Was it our environment?

Or what other factors could it have been?

Is it me to blame?

Or were we just as it finally turned out,

Not suited for one another?

Believe it or not,

I feel relived,

Now that I know,

That you have too much warmth,

To share with only one.

Maybe by my writing this,

It will somehow make a difference,

It certainly does with me,

But I’m afraid,

That you may have sealed our destiny.

 Part 2.  You

You have developed,

Or how you have developed,

From that tiny little person,

Who I so long ago met,

In a hall one night so far away.

You have changed,

There’s no doubt about that,

And that’s good, so do we all change,

Towards I hope,

The right destination.

I do not blame you,

You have done what you must,

You’ve always been your own self,

I know that is why people love you,

For you see, you have such a nice self.

You’ve never been one to hide yourself,

And I feel this was not a time to begin,

So it may be for the better that now I know,

Although it was painful,

I certainly hope you feel better.

You did try to tell me,

But now I see,

How conflicting it has been for you,

If only I could have done something,

I know you would have stuck with me.

For you see, you have been a terrific person,
and I have no complaints,

Not to mention such fond memories,

Of those earliest beginning days,

To the last so full of adventure.

​

Part 3.  Me

My love for you was always strong,

And it will always be there,

I know I wasn’t so great a find,

But I can’t help that line,

All that I can say is that I’ve loved you.

I have fond memories,

Many, many too many to tell,

I know it wasn’t always so fine,

But I have no regrets,

And I hope you don’t either.

I know now that I’ve changed,

I’ve lost something to you,

Or maybe there’s something I never gained,

I didn't know what to do about it,

But heaven knows, if I did I’d try.

Please forgive me,

All those ugly, moments,

That we had together,

I hope that I’m not too much different,

And that you will come to realize it.

I’ve been trapped,

And I didn’t know what to do about it,

The work has been too much, too much time in travel,

Too little with you in love,

And you see what has happened.

I have given you a lot,

Twenty years of my life,

A new era will begin soon,

I am so painfully aware of it,

God help me.

​

Part 4.  Us

Our life together started early,

Maybe a bit too early,

It didn’t matter to me,

For I had nothing but good love for you,

But now it hurts worst than ever.

We had a warm relationship,

We use each other to good advantage,

We had many good years together,

We have nothing to regret,

Maybe now it is time for us to part.

 We beset one fine little boy,

There’s nothing wrong with that little boy,

He’s the apple of my eye,

And as much love as I have,

I will always have for him.

My life will never be the same,

But maybe yours won’t either,

I hope yours will be great,

Now that you’ve known me,

Please don’t ever forget me.

Parting will be difficult,

If it comes to that,

But like in death, life must go on,

It won’t be easy forgetting you,

Oh God how I have loved you.

​

Part 5.  Tomorrow

What the future bestows,

Is still to be determined,

But this I do deed,

One day I did come home,

And the marriage died.

Should we revive it?

I don’t know, do you?

But this I can tell you,

We can’t do it,

All alone.

We got to face the awful truth,

That maybe we weren’t,

So met for one another,

After all we know this already,

As you so often have made clear.

Let me tell you, this my love,

Understanding I do have,

And acceptance is my way,

But oh, if there was just not so much uncertainty,

About this whole affair. 

So whatever you should decide,

This I must tell you,

Please be true to our real feelings,

For this I can accept easier,

Than another marriage death.

As you can see,

My heart is broken,

But don’t that mind you,

For better it’s broken,

Than mis-spoken.

A Kiss

November 1984

Two people living, crossing paths

Seeing, thinking, wondering, creating

Coincidentally being together, merging their lives

Sensing an attraction, noticing a feeling.

Two minds debating a course to follow

Wanting this but uncertain of that

Might it be all as in heaven or too shallow

Deciding, not knowing, but driven by a sense of love, a certain fact.

Two hearts falling towards each other

Beautiful, mystical love, so warm

Floating, craving, moving anxiously towards one another

Reaching out for feelings, hoping for an arm.

Two lips needing to touch, to love

To satisfy, to gratify, to give meaning to love

To give feeling to love

Two lips reaching out, so necessary for love.

How important for a kiss

The first, and thereafter every kiss

To give us love’s feeling in a kiss

It all begins and ends with a kiss.

Love’s Power

December 1984

From where does this feeling so strong, so pulling, keep reemerging

I wake up, blank, consciousness following, and there it is again, this feeling

How I have noticed it, so often after our first meeting

Do I ask for it, do I want it, do I have a choice, it’s love’s power emerging.

Part biological, part psychological, a lot mysterious

How strong it is, and what a good thing that is

Love’s power keeps us happy, keeps perpetuating us

How forceful it is, and what a good thing that is.

Son’s Love/God’s Love

January 1985

How pure can love be?

Can love be any purer than this?

The love that I have for he

This that’s for my son Max

What is this love for he?

A special feeling, a blessing given

Is it real, is it me?

How has it compared?

God gives the answers to us

Messengers he has sent

Children are those angels

Through them God’s love comes as a gift

The love that I have for he

No greater love is known

Through him God comes to me

God’s love has been shown.

Coming Together

February 1985

Our friendship started that day

As strangers coming together

Getting acquainted, giving our say

Trying our best as ever.

We liked one another

As we found reasons

Such as having fun together

For even more ties.

We recognized something there

Feelings of friendship and maybe more

Then, now, tomorrow, and everywhere

For us to explore.

Friendship into love, is it to be

Can we otherwise as man and woman

Be friends without love, is there a need

God will you help us understand?

Marriage End

June 1985

I continue to want to cry

My body still in pain from that state

That it was so committed to try

There’s still sadness as I strive to undo this fate.

The sanctity of that state

We all should heed

Do not underestimate

The sanctity’s importance to our need.

For we have been told

And it’s there for us to hold

In those commandments saying to us

Do not confuse its holiness.

Now I know the strength

On the body marriage can have

Synthesizing in us a considerable force

As I continue to want to cry.

God, you have shown clear

Through this whole affair

Your indomitable will

And how your presence is still here.

Feelings

January 1986

I glance over and noticed her

As I sat reading the paper riding the metro

Not knowing we both were headed there.

I listened there to the speaker

And again I saw her sitting by me

Beginning to wonder about her.

I walked from there back to the metro

Interested in her from what I saw

Wondering if she might catch it also.

I stood on the platform and there she was

I asked if the enjoyed the speaker

Thinking how brave I was.

We boarded together

My feelings warm and good

Talking with her about the speaker.

She said she worked at NIH

And she lived in Bethesda

I was beginning to think about how many more stops.

We exchanged quite a lot in those brief moments

My interest heightened, my feelings soared

I knew then how special she was.

I gathered the courage to suggest

That we might go out

Feeling that this would be great.

She said that this was not a good time

That she was presently overwhelmed

I was disappointed not knowing what to say then.

I saw that her stop was next

There was not much that I could think of

But to say goodbye as she smiled and left.

She was nice, I felt a lost

But there was a gain

She brought me warm feelings.

(Imitation of Genius)

August 1988

Love – ever present Deity –

There – before and on entering life –

At Death – to continue –

Sun Size – you are vitality –

How I could scale you –

But were there Two – I think there could be

Sun’s golden Rays –

But I have yet – to feel the blaze –

Invisible Energy – that moves every world

Gold in the Bank – to draw upon,

For some.  Deposits with God –

Reserves – not found by everyone –

We are told – Nothing –

Of what – Overwhelms being.

All there is – Ultimately –

This is what, we learn of thee.