Family Relationships 

Kramer versus Kramer (1979), directed by Robert Benton, with Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Steep, Jane Alexander

Hits the nail perfectly with respect to kids and divorce, when both sides are fairly rational and civilized, and there is no marital hope.

You can’t cut a baby in half – someone has to give.  And, on whose grounds would that giving be stepped.  It has not changed since King Solomon, when first “cutting the baby in half” proposal came up.  In fact, the grounds, of most important, should be the one the child is walking on, not the parents.   The child needs to be kept as whole and together as possible, and not cut up and divided out to suite the parents.  And I’m grateful this film concluded just this – for keeping the child in his only known bedroom, home, neighborhood, school, and all the rest of his only known environment, is as good a way to proceed towards the wholeness objective as any.

Fannie & Alexander (1983), directed by Ingman Bergman

One family, light hearted on holidays, vacation – oriented on the playful, dances around the Christmas tree and throughout the house; cheerful, happy servants who set at the Christmas dinner table with the family.

Another family, stern, unjoyful, no frills, no cheers, views life as hard, and no place to have fun; servants who are sad, ragged looking and isolated.

The first family has candles everywhere as the dance goes on; the second family barely a candle flicking.  Who experiences a tragedy due to a candle accident?  Not the happy family.  What can we draw from this, other than maybe you shouldn’t take life too seriously all the time?

Bergman definitely seems to be looking autobiographically through Alexandra’s eyes – at   his own experiences; at the emergence of an adult side as one grows into adulthood  - as portrayed by the secluded brother; at the theater and its potential for good and education; that we all are playing roles.  Bergman uses a raging river running through the middle of town as a good symbol for the dangers of life.

 Brothers never turn out the same, even as they rise out of the same environment.   These are just some of the topics that jump out at me from this film.

There seems in Swedish life a special attitude towards “to be in the moment” or “live in the moment” or “don’t let a fleeting pleasurable encounter slip by”, which somehow I have the notion relates to the short days – long days continuum, the gloomy weather, all of which is inescapable over the long term.   So, concentrate on the moment.

Eat Drink Man Woman (1994) directed by Amg Lee

Amy Lee must be commended – this excellent look at Taiwanese family functionality is excellent – but the commendation is not just for that - it’s that one director can so skillfully do this in two cultures, as he has when you consider “The Ice Storm”.

We see here family conflicts between children about the wellbeing of parents, and their own wellbeing versus sacrificing for other family members.

The Ice Storm (1997), directed by Ang Lee, with Kelvin Kline, Pat Allen

Dysfunction is the examination here – no doubt about it.  We are looking at   dysfunctional families and individuals within those families when we look at this film.

What is it that we learn from this film about the causes of the results we observe?  Lack of communication, self-absorption, materialism, destructive freedom, (versus the productive type), ignorance in assessing needs and welfare, dissolution of national ideals and leadership values, sexual chaos, foreign, harmful substances, individual psychological peculiarities - all appear as possible explanations along the way of this ice storm over a short Thanksgiving weekend.

There definitely is a suggestion here that societal values and influences have a direct effect on individual behavior.

Secrets and Lies (1996), directed by Mike Leigh, with Brenda Blethyn, Timothy Spall

This film’s portrait of family life is very unlike films such as “American Beauty” and “The Ice Strom”.  Those were more explorations and observations of societal and cultural dysfunctions invading individual families.   In this film, we are dealing with misplaced priorities in individual lives.

Secrets and Lies deals more with the act of survival, and the barriers and limits that individuals have within and because of families.  Consequences of such are shown here, with resultant stresses, the reactions to lost hopes and expectations, lost desires, as one lives their lives as family members.

But Secrets and Lies doesn’t stop there.  It magically deals with how love can transform these lost hopes, expectations into new hopes and dreams, expectations, new and everlasting life of happiness and joy.

American Beauty (1999), directed by Sam Mendes, with Annette Benning, Kevin Spicey, Thora Birch, Wes Bentley, Chris Cooper

Having seen “The Ice Storm” recently, I cannot help but to lump these films together.  They both deal with family life in America and the dysfunctions that exist in families.

Both not only deal with specific family problems but also reach out in attempting to relate family events to a wider cultural and societal connection.  In American Beauty, one such connection is guns, gun control, the attraction that guns hold for many – their sexual provocation, their sense of control and power enhancement – and consequently, peoples insistence on their availability, which then becomes an addictive terror.

American Beauty also covers such areas as the obsession with “stuff” - material possessions – and its impact on reality; a chilly presence of no communication between family members and how this plays out; and often unreasonable reaction of parents to their children’s behaviors - reactions without reason or compassion.

Importantly, the film also suggests that those who show violent behaviors – the capacity to be violent, even in minor or defensive or corrective roles - are more likely those folks who have a higher probability to commit even more and more serious violence.

The film for me has something to say about the absence of God and spiritual and religious values and concerns.

Nobody’s Fool (1994), directed by Robert Benton, with Paul Newman, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, Jessica Tandy

There’s a lot of family, employee-employer, husband -wife, friendship, and generational relationships going on in this film.  These are interesting topics for a film and this one takes them on: men who are poor fathers; men who are not good husbands; professional ineptitude in various forms; men who are not good sons; employment problems; blaming others; husbands and wives who are at the end of their tolerance for one another.

But there’s an air of adaptability, acceptance, expectation within the characters and in the film as these relationships unfold before us.  Difficult stories are happening, but the people affected seem to somehow find their ways through - as if they have hardened themselves to take on the offerings that life has.  These folks are managing, surviving, remaining reasonably in balance.  In spite of the problems that surround them, they have found a way to go on, and this is encouraging, these folks are nobody’s fool.

Housekeeping (1987), directed by Bill Forsyth, with Christine Laktis

There’s a wide range of human conditions found within families, in fact, the whole range, since all humans belong to a family in some measure.  Many of these conditions are not pleasant, and we find unpleasant ones in this film’s story of a family in the northwest during the 40s.  Certainly, a mother’s purposefully driving off a one hundred foot cliff into a deep lake leaving behind two young daughters with their grandmother - as the film is beginning - is a sure sign that not all is right in this family.

But, we also find the hopeful and helpful insight of the importance of families, how families can, by staying together, be the savior for the members, how one family member can gain so much by helping another, and how there really can be no better help anywhere else.  We see a sister being transformed as she develops love and passion for her aunt, as we see the other sister hardened and moving in an opposite direction in her inability for such love and compassion.

We don’t find out what eventually happens to the one sister and her aunt as they go off together, hobo style, to other places rather than risk being separated by the unpleasant “authorities” in the town that had been their home. We don’t find out what happens to the other sister who remains behind in her newly adopted family.  But I like the decision that the older sister and the aunt have made – it’s an important one – it relates to individual freedom and choice, to families as they should be – ultimate care givers for its members, and this sister/aunt decision moves in the right direction – to this end.

Mr. & Mrs. Bridge (1990), directed by James Ivory, with Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward

This film is an examination of a family, and its internal socialization over a substantial period of time.  The film’s view of the family development gives a certain comment on   social strata and its importance, especially amongst those in higher strata.  There is a strong interwoven backdrop of the United States’ national history, and its content, and the unfolding story of family as a social structure and within society.

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), directed by Chris Columbus, with Robin Williams, Sally   Field

Comedy is at its best, for me, when it creates both comic interest and involvement, and at the same time is penetrating and thought provoking.  Mrs. Doubtfire does a good job of showing us how a father’s need for his children does not stop just because the father leaves the Mother’s household.  Williams does a terrific job here of showing this emotion, this need, frustrated by restricted access to the children, due to the situation, and a father's traditional inability to do anything about it.  So Williams pursues non-traditional methods of access, to his credit.

Although the story at times is unrealistic, this seems to be more readily accepted because it is a comedy, perhaps an example of how comedy can tell stories that would be difficult in dramatic presentations.  We somehow seem to expect, understand that comedy is supposed to separate us from the sad realms we sometimes endure while still giving us something we need to know.

Ordinary People (1980), directed by Robert Redford, with Timothy Buttons, Donald Sutherland, Mary Tyler Moore, Judd Hirsch.

There is a lot of tension in this film.  It is good.  As ordinary people, how can we go through life successfully without tension?  This film deals very successfully with many family tensions, very ordinary occurrences: parents not being able to express feelings; parents not helping but to like one child more than the others; family loss through death; spouses growing apart and their affections for one another dying.  We also deal here, in this film, with more serious forms of tensions, namely, the guilt, and separation from love and acceptance, through an event so overwhelming as to cause loss of rational thinking and suicide attempts – the event being the loss of a son and a brother.  Throughout this tension-driven change, we see new love forming and being expressed.

Change is a constant, cells divide or die, cells divide to create new cells, growth must come from change, change requires tension, and tension is necessary for successful life.  Life goes on and we have to manage it and go on with it.  Films end, but we are enriched by the experience.  We continue and it is beautiful.

Cat On a Hot Tin Roof (1958), directed by Richard Brooks, with Paul Newman, Elizabeth Taylor, Burl Ives

Certainly about a dysfunctional family, perhaps a classic in the category, due to the authorship and the longevity and the content and the quality of the film. 

Deals with many elements of family functioning: inheritance; competitiveness, husband-wife love; favoritism; love versus career; expectations and accomplishments.

The ending does not seem to be true to the story, because one of the main functioning here is the apparent homosexuality of Brick, which is not dealt with at the end.

The Celebration (1999), directed by Thomas Vinterberg, with Ullrich Thomsen, Henning Moritzen

A quintessential family relationship film.  Like many in this category, the relationships dealt with are dysfunctional, unique, problem-oriented dysfunctions.

This film deals with the sexual molestation by a father of two of his children, twin brother and sister.  The film deserves discussion.