Men-Women Relationships 

The Bostonians (1984), directed by James Ivory, with Christopher Reeve and Vanessa Redgrade

Hormones are floating everywhere in this film.  This is certainty a sexually intense film experience, even if no one undresses; there are no more explicit presentations then a kiss and an embrace.  It is also interesting that the sexual kisses and embraces are not always limited to between different sexes.

Which is in fact one of the interests of this film – the lesbian issue and feminism and woman’s submission to man and her heterosexuality and how these submissions relate to a woman’s motivation and limitations and achievements.

This film seems to me to be right in the thick of sexual differences between man and woman – and certainly the differences are profound – yet obviously are bridged.  Among such differences, there is obviously the submission role of the woman versus the conquest role of the man, and this was certainly a key element of the stories that are being told to us in this film.  This film nicely shows an interaction between such sexuality characteristics and woman’s rights, expectations, and self-fulfillments.

The film is probably historically correct with respect to the general trends of the woman’s movement.

Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) directed by Woody Allen, with Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Michael Crane, and Carrie Fisher

Typical Woody Allen, unique and characteristic – sexual fantasies, explorations in man-woman encounters, individual tensions, the same landscape that Allen often plays up to.

 This film is a series of individual man-woman interactions and looking at them as to what they have to say.

Bugsby (1991) directed by Barry Levinson, with Warren Beatty, Annette Benning, Harvey Koitel, Ben Kingsley

This film is a marvelous portrayal of a love story, a Greek tragedy love story.  Perhaps few other films match this one in the passions, the intricacies of interactions, the tragedies, the effects, the motivations that man/woman love can have on the partners.  Based on a true story, this film’s creators give us dramatic and strongly felt love, which is blind and for which the participants can only exist if it exists.

When Harry Met Sally (1989), directed by Rob Reiner, with Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, and Carrie Fisher

For me, this film shows the chanciness, the randomness, the unpredictability, the coincidentalness of relationships between man and woman and their eventual unification and separation, at least in American society.

The film has several real couples telling us how random and unpredictable their union was as a prelude to us seeing the stories in the film, of the union of two couples.  One of these couples is united almost immediately as they eat dinner together for the first time.  The other couple is shown going through more than 10 years of randomness, uninterested in one another, and then interest, and then unification.  It’s all a very intangible process that for many of us there is difficulty and no success.  Take a look at personnel ads in the newspapers and now on the Internet, and their growth, and wonder what is behind these connectivity systems.

Comedy seems to deal well with the human relationships kinds of things – at least those human relationships that, for all of us, are experienced as ordinary life versus the extremes of human behavior, which is more difficult for comedy to deal with.

She’s Gotta Have It (1986), directed by Spike Lee, with Spike Lee, Tracy Camilla Johns

After watching this film, I am thinking that Spike Lee might be a “Woody Allen” African American.  He writes, directs, stars, and all in a way that’s certainly with a strong African American perspective and orientation.  I don’t now about other Spike Lee films, but here is one with a “Woody Allen”-type feel – insightful, a particular flavor, funny, good/striking one-liners, a heavy dose of sexual examination, entertaining, and with a message.

The message for me is a good one – not any one of us can give our partners every quality they might desire.  This film makes this point.  We see one woman, as she spends time with three men, and is enhanced by the characteristics of each man.  One is friend, one is comical, makes the partner laugh, and one has more depth, seems to be more sincere.  I like the choice that Lee makes, the man Johns finally chooses - for me her choice has the best characteristics for a long-lasting relationship.   Ultimately, we have to set limits on our needs, desires, and this is an important, very important point, made by this film.

Manhattan (1979), directed by Woody Allen, with Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Meryl Steep, Muriel Hemingway

A black and white photograph of a film, the film starts with black and white photographic shots, and ends, with such shots of the city – with the photographer’s subject being Manhattan.  In-between, we have many film spots with shots of folks engaged in relationships – relationships finding, relationships managing, relationship ending.  And, of course, there’s the Allen take, expressed generally through wit, on the meaning of relationship activities.

The film, and Allen, isn’t interested in a long-term perspective, in other words planning.    Planning is probably not possible in sustaining relationships.  Relationships depend and continue on feelings, not strategies.  Nothing is certain in relationships, and one is best able to survive, and thrive, if this is recognized and a perspective that takes this into account is maintained.  One should not be too serious about the absolutes of a relationship.  

Wurthering Heights (1939), directed by William Wyler, with Laurence Olivier, Merle Oberlon, David Niven

Two outstanding performances, especially by Oberlon, who handles well two dimensions to her character's personality – one an un-abandoned reaction to her feelings, her deep, physical, biochemical, uninhibited love for her first and true love; and the other wanting more deliberation on the effects of her actions, her decisions, with respect to her place in family and community, the economic effects of her decisions.   These, of course, are the two broad trends in womanhood of any age.

How this dual personality aspect eventually drives her to her wanting to die, mentally tormented, how death (unhappiness) can be caused by such an internal struggle between un-inhibition and inhibition with respect to her womanhood is a very good insight from this film.

The music adds a lot. There is a moment at the dance when the harpsichordist hits a note that somehow for me perfectly captured the emotional content of Oberlon’s disaster.

This film speaks to the tension between deliberation and passion which is certainly an experienced in man-woman relationships.

It Happened One Night (1934), directed by Frank Capra, with Clark Gable, Claudine Corbet

I think certain films that are breakthrough films.  By this, I mean the film creates a new way of looking, viewing the theme of the film.  And then succeeding artists copy this new way.   I wonder if “It Happened One Night” is not just such a film.   For example, the playfulness, lightheadedness, interchangeable romantic courtship and pairing sets the stage for following romantic comedies.   Even today romantic situation comedies on television are not much different from what we have here in this film.

Being more specific, the run-away wedding scene is repeated 34 years later in “The Graduate”, much to the same effect in terms of reason, treatment, and emotions.  Many of the same themes about love and how love triumphants are found in both films. 

Corbet’s complete submission to Gable in the final bedroom scene, where teary-eyed she begs him to take her away, anywhere – just take her is one of those rare film moments that take you to one of the essences of the man-woman condition – somewhat like the harpsichordist hitting that certain note in Wurthering Heights

The Apartment (1960), directed by Billy Wilder, with Jack Lemon, Shirley McClain, Fred McMurray

For me, it’s interesting to reflect on why the name “The Apartment” for this film.  In a way, the name gets to the point quickly – it is a film about relationship between men and women, and, as it turns out, a lot of this relationship is centered at the hearth – where two people come together and center their existence together – such as in an apartment.

An apartment (home, house, hut, cave, whatever) is an extremely important component of a man and woman’s relationship. The range of the needs for a set-aside place for a men and women to relate range from the superficial level of insurance company “big wigs “ doing their flings of sexual pleasures to a much a deeper level where one is caring for the near-death status of the other - both uses that our apartment are made of in this film.

It’s funny how this film is categorized at the video store as a comedy.  There are humorous moments in this film, but the film is deadly serious – constantly dealing with loneliness, unfaithfulness, despair, depression, dying, the sacrament of marriage – “man-woman-God” bonding - all intimately important and just around the corner in all of our lives.  

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) directed by Stanley Kramer, with Sidney Portiere, Spenser Tracy, Katherine Hepburn.  

After all is said and done, man-woman love is between two people (and some would say God) and this film comes to this conclusion after a lot of examination of objections to interracial marriage.

In my opinion, the film arrives at the right conclusion.

Bringing Up Baby (1938), directed by Howard Hawkes, with Gary Grant, Katherine Hepburn

This “love” treatment – combines the craziness of the caring for and the placement of a leopold in a safe environment and the pursuit of bones (Grant is an anthropologist), amongst a man and woman working out their expressions for one another

To me, this story demonstrates a powerful truth – a very important one – man/woman work is every present and proceeds in some of the most unusual of scenarios, the scenarios are unpredictable and usually don’t matter – results will take place in spite of the most craziness and unusualness of circumstances.  

Sex, Lives, and Videotapes (1989), directed by Steven Soderbergh, with Andie McDowell, James Spader, Peter Gallagher

We see here behavioral varieties and needs that men and women bring to their relationships.  This exploration is very effectively and entertainingly done.  It is done through an interesting story, interesting actors, without pretense or complications, and   by connecting with us through truth and reality, in a positive way.  What we are watching, I think, are us, at least some of us, some of the time, in some of the characters, who collectively provide before us enough universality that, I suspect, many in the audience can identify at least with something that is going on.

Marty (1955), directed by Delbert Mann, with Ernest Borgnine, Betsy Blair

It seems to me that Ernest Borgnine, in this film in 1955, creates an iconic portrayal of a character that lived on in many American male minds of that generation of war veterans, a generation so influential in America’s emergence in the 50s.   Paraphrasing Marty – I may be just a chubby, not very good-looking guy, a dog to lots of women, but I got my qualities and I am proud of them, and they are not so bad.

Indeed, Marty did have a lot of qualities that were not so bad, as did Betsy Blair, and together they came together and blossomed with ideas and good works and proper humility and perspective real to them, and a created a formula for a life well lived.

This film portrays well the roles that man and woman can play for one another, and, as together, they are greater than the sum of the parts.

Thelma and Louise (1991), directed by Ridley Scott, with Susan Sarandan, Geena Davis, Harvey Koitel, Brad Pitt

This film, if you ask me, is all about what men are not suppose to be in terms of their relationships with women.  We really do not find in this film any successful males acting in sensitive, caring, respectful ways towards women, with the exception of Harvey Koitel.  Unfortunately, this could very well be the proportion of “duds” to respectable men in America at the time the film was made.

So it is not surprising why a lot of women – those stuck like Thelma and Louise - might find this film a very liberating experience.

The ultimate solution provided by Thelma and Louise, and women they represent, is to give the finger, if you will, to these men, to hell with them - Thelma and Louise don’t need them and don’t ever want to see them again.

Definitely something is here to be learned about what man-woman relationships should not be.

King Kong (1933), directed by Merian C. Cooper, with Fay Ray, Robert Armstrong, and Bruce Cabot

This film is on the surface a science fiction, horror genre-type of a film, which plays well, very well, for a very early version of this genre.  But, such an accomplishment hardly accounts for its lasting appeal to film critics.

What, I think, is it enduring success in the criticism churn wars is a story that pertains to one of the most essential characteristics of the man-woman relationship, even as that relationship is depicted here in this film allegorically, metaphorically by a giant, muscular, hairy gorilla.  Women like being protected, being fought over, being pursued, being swept up and carried away by strong, muscular, hairy, primitive “best-like” figures.  This woman trait has been from time-eternal, and is till present today.  Fay Wray may have great fear in her screeching screams, but also present is a primordial, sexual satisfaction cry is in those screams.

We can look at the Empire State Building as that ever present phallic symbol that is necessary and important to women.  He did his job by getting to the top, as the screams got louder, then he went down, leaving her behind as a woman.

On the surface, this is horror/science fiction superficial entertainment, but below is a real insight into basic woman needs, and man’s role in those basic needs.

Sabrina (1954), directed by William Wyler, with Audrey Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart, William Holden

This is a story about aspects of manhood and womanhood.  We have in two brothers, two extremes of behaviors for man that exist at opposing ends of a spectrum.  Being extremes, neither is balanced.  The film brings in the all important condition - woman - into the lives of these two brothers.

Through Audrey Hepburn’s presence, behaviors at the extremities shift to the center and become more productively balanced.  Man and woman definitely influence one another’s behavior and consequential styles, patterns, goals, and outcomes of living.

Whereas we have in the William Holden and Humphrey Bogarts’ characters two extremes of men, we have in Audrey Hepburn’s character, perhaps, man’s conception of woman, and perhaps, the role women try to play and achieve to be man’s perfect woman.  For better or worse, these interactive influences (man to woman and woman to man) seem persistent and strongly natural.

On the surface, this film might come across as rather a light romance, but actually, as one ponders it, the film goes insightfully into man and woman behaviors with respect to one another.

The Quiet Man (1952), directed by John Ford, with John Wayne, Maureen O’Hara

Here we see what seems to me is a stripped-away and elemental depiction of some fundamental natures of man and woman when these natures interact to live together.   That the film is able to portray such contrast is remarkable and extremely interesting and one of the great attributes of film.

John Wayne’s Sean Thornton is very revealing about the masculine interests, expectations, and limitations and weaknesses, as is Maureen O’Hara’s Mary Kate with respect to the feminine side.

This film projects well a great sexual passion in the courtship between Sean (man) and Mary Kate (woman), which is certainly one of the defining characteristics in the nature of a uniting man and woman.  But, then, sexual differences between man and woman, it seems to me, strongly shows up here.  The film suggests man’s sexual involvement and satisfaction as more of a single event, versus woman’s sexual involvement and satisfaction as more of a continuum along a curve, and involves much more than singular events.

In Sean, we see the masculine tendency not to be grounded to an emotional fastener, to be somewhat more flexible and practical, to have more of an in and out attitude to getting the situation to work.  In Mary Kate, we see the feminine tendency to be more grounded to an emotional attachment, a need to connect the situation with more of a “global” condition, connected, as Mary Kate says in the film, to “300 years of ancestry”.

And, finally, we see, what seems to be a requirement for woman’s good feeling towards man – an attitude of respect, which at its roots, relates to masculinity – the ability to fight, to stand one’s ground, to stick one’s chest out, if necessary, and show courage, related to that woman’s welfare.

Moonstruck (1987), directed by Norman Jewison, with Cher, Nicholas Cage

When it comes to matters of the heart between men and women, the stakes are as high as the moon is over the earth, and the needs are as deep and emotional and mysterious as the high notes reached by Maria Callas singing in La Boehme.

What is clear is we spend a lot of time dealing with these matters, and the results and outcomes, are just as predictable and controllable as the mysterious influences of the full moon’s beauty and a Puccini aria.

I think this film can help us understand this.

Camille (1937), directed by George Cukor,  with Greta Garbo, Robert Taylor

Love!   Sensual, sacrificial, interactive – are a few of the penetrating aspects of love between man and woman that this film is looking into.   This is it, the essence of this story, where love is, without a doubt, the main sensation.

Pillow Talk (1959), directed by Michael Gordon, with Doris Day, Rock Hudson

This man and woman film goes right to the primal – it definitely is a film about sexual attraction and satisfaction.  After all, what is pillow talk all about?

We have two sexual “icons” in a sense.  I suspect these two folks were very much chosen for their sexual appeal – who better could send their viewers home to their own pillows.  And, I think this is the film’s message in a sense, there is “icon” associated with sexual behavior, we do focus views and perceptions and choices and images and mental processes, and that iconic imagery somehow is a key component of this behavior.

Made For Each Other (1939), directed by John Cromwell, with Carole Lombard, James Steward

This film deals with goals missed and disappointments, certainly a condition of life that all of us know.  A lot is well with Jane and John Mason, not the least of which is an obvious love for one another.

The goals and missed opportunities create tension individually in Jane and John, and as a couple, but, as it turns out, the love comes through as a very important existing, and necessary condition, that allows the goals missed and disappointments to seem, in retrospect, silly little nuisances, not worth the bother.

A real highlight of this film is seeing the emerging of two very appealing performers.   One goes on to legend-hood.  The other, likely could have – how disappointing not to know.

The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981), directed by Karel Reisz, with Meryl Streep, Jeremy Irons

This film, for me, is a fundamental look at the sexual roles men and women play with one another.  These roles do not seem to be well scripted out in advance – are not predetermined as consistent for each man and woman, but rather seem to be written out as the roles are played out.   A lot of role variability seems to be within a spectrum of needs that man and woman seek from one another.

In this film, I experience actions and reactions between a man and a woman, at a sexual level, with no real predictability of where the actions and reactions are leading.  This has pretty much been my experience with women.

The Women (1939) directed by George Cukor,  with Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, and others

It is pretty clear from the start that the primary stories and events going on with these women is about and relate to men.  So, this film is about men and women relationships.

One lesson that this film portrays is that flexibility and variability exists in various relationships.  But, there is one condition that cannot be flexible and variable and that condition is love.  Love trumps.

The Lady Eve (1941), directed by Preston Sturges,  with Henry Fonda, Barbara Stanwyck

Certainly, no doubt about his film – woman over man.  This film really penetrates how the women can fairly easily out smart and control men, especially of the Charles Pike variety, which in many ways is the typical variety.

Of course, no self-respecting man would ever like, or, in my case, stomach Charles Pike’s personality, etc.  Nevertheless, the film does make the strong point of how men so often are “in a cage”, as the Lady Eve tells Charles, needing to be liberated (sexually) by women. 

The Awful Truth (1937), directed by Leo McCarey, with Irene Dunne, Gary Grant

Another late 30s, early 40s, screwball comedy featuring a relationship between a man and a woman.

There seems to be an infinite desire within humanity for seeing and enjoying the romantic, comedic interactions between a man and a woman.   Of course, this is great and as it should be since this is such an overwhelming segment of human activity.

The Awful Truth’s particular interaction deals with suspicions, acceptance, specific situations, and ultimately they are not very important if the overwhelming relationship (awful truth) is one of great love.